A Midsummer Night's Scheme
by Adain
Summary: Harry Potter meets the wonderful world of Shakespeare. Madness and sillyness insues.
1. Act I

A Midsummer Night's Scheme  
  
Cast  
  
Harry.............................LysanderCho Chang................... Hermia  
  
Draco............................DemetriusGinny............................Helena  
  
Hermionie......................Titania Ron...............................Oberon  
  
Fred and George...........PuckDean..............................Quince  
  
Neville...........................SnugPercy..............................Bottom  
  
Lee.................................FluteSeamus..........................Snout  
  
Colin..............................StarvelingOliver Wood.................Theseus (Duke)  
  
Alicia.....................Hippolyta(Amazon) Parvati ...........................Cobweb  
  
Mr. Chang......................Egus Angelina..............................Mustardseed  
  
Lavender .......................Peasblossom   
  
Katie...............................Moth   
  
Act 1 scene 1  
  
(Enter Oliver, Alicia, and a bunch of extras playing subjects)  
  
Oliver: (flashing the devastating Wood smile that makes all the ladies hearts melt) Ah, my fair Alicia in four days we shall be married. How slowly the time shall seem to pass.  
  
Alicia (still a bit stunned from the smile): I'm counting the days my love. I can hardly wait.  
  
(In the background several of the subjects are making gagging gestures)  
  
Oliver: My sweet what a happy day it will be for all.  
  
Subject 1: (whispering to subject next to him) Yea, maybe he'll lighten up once he's finally   
  
getting some action.  
  
(Enter Mr. Chang, Cho, Harry, and Draco)  
  
Mr. Chang: Hail to the mighty Duke Oliver!  
  
Oliver: Hey Mr. Chang how's it going.  
  
Mr. Chang: Not well, my daughter is being disobedient. I have given Draco permission to marry her, but she refuses to.  
  
Harry: (in a low voice) Who would want to marry such a git?  
  
Draco: Hey I heard that!  
  
Mr. Chang: (to Harry) Silence you. You're the cause of all my troubles with Cho. She used to be such a sweet and obedient daughter until you came along and stole her heart. Duke, I'm here to demand justice. The law says she has to marry who I want her to or she has to join a nunnery.  
  
Harry: (to nearest subject) Who ever made up a stupid law like that.  
  
Subject 1: beats me, but hush, the story would be very boring without it. You wouldn't want to call down the wrath of the author now would you?  
  
Oliver: (sighs deeply) However stupid the law may be it is the law. Think carefully before you choose, after all (has difficulty saying this) Draco's..... not ... such .....a ....bad ....guy.  
  
Cho: Harry's better.  
  
Alicia: (whispering in Oliver's ear) Why does Mr. Chang want his daughter to marry Draco anyway?  
  
Oliver: (whispering back) I don't know, maybe he's a death eater. (To Cho) Well, yes, frankly he is, but unfortunately your father doesn't like him.  
  
Draco: (scowling) I don't have to put up with this!  
  
Oliver: (smugly) Actually I'm the duke, so, yes you do.  
  
Cho: Anyway, all this is pointless. I won't marry Draco.  
  
Oliver: (with a wink to the audience) You don't have to decide now, you have until the night I wed my darling love to choose.  
  
(More gagging form the subjects)  
  
Draco: Why don't you want to marry me Cho, I'm dashing, I'm handsome.  
  
Harry: Hey Draco, if her father loves you so much why don't you marry him, 'cuse Cho certainly doesn't seem interested. Besides, didn't you used to hit on Ginny Weasley?  
  
Draco: Sod off!  
  
Cho: To answer your question Draco I don't want to marry you because YOU'RE A SLIMY GIT WHO GIVES ME THE CREEPS!   
  
Harry: Ouch!  
  
Draco: Shut it Potter!  
  
Harry: Make me.  
  
Oliver: I'm getting sick off all this. Come my darling love, (with another wink to the audience) Oh and Mr. Chang and Draco you guys come too.  
  
(Exit Oliver, Alicia, Mr. Chang, Draco, and subjects)  
  
Harry: You look upset Cho.  
  
Cho: You'd be upset if your father was trying to marry you off to Draco Malfoy.  
  
Harry: (with a shudder) Well, yes, I think I would be, but, more to the point, I have a plan to avoid all this.  
  
Cho: (brightening) You do?  
  
Harry: Yes, I was thinking maybe we could run away to my god father Sirius He'd be sympathetic and the law couldn't touch us there. We could meet in the Dark Forest  
  
Cho: That's a great plan (kisses Harry)  
  
Harry: (a bit dazed from the fabulous kiss) Oh look here comes Ginny.  
  
(Enter Ginny)  
  
Cho: Hello Ginny how's it going?  
  
Ginny: Miserably. How come you get all the guys Cho? Draco's so in love with you. How do you do it? I wish you'd teach me how you attract him. Maybe then I'd have a chance at getting his attention.  
  
Cho: I don't do anything at all. Why do you care about him so much anyway, he's a death eater.  
  
Ginny: I can't explain it, it's love. I wish I was as pretty as you.  
  
Cho: Well, you won't have to worry about me for much longer. Harry and I are eloping and then you can have Draco all to yourself.  
  
Harry: Yea, were going to meet in the Dark Forest tomorrow night and then we're going to go to Sirius'. Anyway we've got to be going, good luck with Draco once we're gone.  
  
(Exit Cho and Harry)  
  
Ginny: Hey maybe if I tell Draco about Harry and Cho eloping he'll like me more.  
  
(Exit Ginny)  
  
Scene 2  
  
(Enter Seamus, Dean, Neville, Percy, Lee, and Collin)  
  
Dean: All right, is everyone here?  
  
Percy: You'd better call role if you want to get their attention.  
  
Dean: (shouting to be heard over the various conversations that are taking place) As everyone knows we are here to practice a play for Duke Oliver's wedding feast.  
  
Percy: Tell them what the play is about.  
  
Dean: The play we are doing is "The Most Lamentable Comedy and Most Cruel Death of Pyramus and Thisby"  
  
Percy: Ah yes, a classic.  
  
Collin: The title's too long.  
  
Dean: (clearing his throat) Shout here when I call you. Percy  
  
Percy: Here!  
  
Dean: You will be playing the role of Pyramus our hero. Lee!  
  
(Percy straightens his tie and looks smug)  
  
Lee: Here!  
  
Dean: You will be playing the role of Thisby  
  
Lee: Who's Thisby, Pyramus' sidekick?  
  
Dean: No, she's the girl he falls in love with.  
  
Lee: What! I don't want to play a girl, think of the ridicule.  
  
Dean: In classic Greek fashion we will be playing wearing masks, so no one will know it's you.  
  
Lee: (big sigh) Fine I guess.  
  
Dean: Great. Collin!  
  
Collin: Here!  
  
Dean: You are playing the part of Thisby's mother  
  
Collin: What! I have to play a girl too?  
  
Dean: Shut up, that's the way the dice rolled. I don't want to here anymore complaints is that clear?  
  
All: Yes Sir!  
  
Dean: Good. Seamus!  
  
Seamus: Here!  
  
Dean: You are going to play Pyramus' father, and I will be playing the part of Thisby's father.  
  
Lee: Oh sure, you get to play a guys part.  
  
(Dean gives him a death glare, Lee shuts up)  
  
Neville: What about me?  
  
Dean: You are going to play the part of the lion. You don't have any lines to memorize since it's all roaring.  
  
(Neville sighs with relief)  
  
Dean: All right everyone, learn your parts and tomorrow night we'll meet in the Dark Forest to rehearse. That way no one will bother us. I have all the props we need. See you then.  
  
(exit all) 


	2. Act II

Act 2 Scene 1  
  
(Enter Angelina, Fred and George)  
  
Fred: Hey Fairy where are you going?  
  
Angelina: Hermionie, queen of the fairies, is coming with all her servants. They plan on spending the night here.  
  
George: Oh goody this could mean trouble. Her ickle Ronnykins, king of fairies, plans to have a party here tonight and he's very upset with her. It seems as though their marital paradise is experiencing a little tropical storm.   
  
Fred: (to George) Oooo, the sparks will fly! I can't wait to see it.  
  
Angelina: Hey, I know you guys. You two work for the king and play pranks to entertain him.  
  
Fred and George together: That's us! Oh look here comes ickle Ronnykins!  
  
Angelina: And here comes Hermionie!  
  
(Enter Ron with his servants form one side)  
  
(A few minutes go by, but Ron doesn't show)  
  
(Ahem, ENTER RON AND SERVANTS!)  
  
(Still nothing, then a voice comes form backstage)  
  
Ron: (grumbling) (to author) I don't want to be in this stupid play anymore!  
  
Author: Why, what's wrong?  
  
Ron: Why, you ask, why ?! BECAUSE YOU CAST ME AS THE KING OF FICKIN' FAIRIES, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW GAY THAT SOUNDS!?  
  
(Fred and George titter)  
  
Author: Oh come on, it's not that bad. Hermionie is your queen.  
  
Ron: Really? Well, I suppose I could give it a try.  
  
Author: Great, lets continue.  
  
( Enter Ron and his servants from one side and Hermionie and her servants from other side)  
  
Hermionie: (seeing Ron) Well, well, well, look who we have here.  
  
Ron: Come to apologize?  
  
Hermionie: (laughing) Fat chance! Anyway it's your fault I'm angry with you, why should I apologize?  
  
Ron: My fault? My fault?! I'm not the one who....  
  
Hermionie (interrupting him) I was perfectly justified, it was you who....  
  
Ron: (interrupting her) How dare you suggest that it was my fault that it happened!  
  
Hermionie: Oh yes and I suppose that the bucket just magically appeared out of nowhere dumping fish guts on my head and you had nothing to do with it.  
  
Ron: Absolutely not!  
  
(Fred and George wink at each other then burst out laughing uncontrollably)  
  
Hermionie: Well, if you refuse to apologize then I'm not staying here any longer. You'll just have to sleep by yourself tonight!  
  
(Exit Hermionie and her servants)  
  
Ron: Ha, I'll get her back for that! Hey, Fred and George you guys are good at this sort of thing what do you think I should do?  
  
George: Make her fall temporarily in love with a jack ass, I mean that in the biblical sense of course.  
  
Fred: Oh yes that one's always a classic  
  
Ron: How would you do that?  
  
Fred and George: Leave that up to us!  
  
Ron: All right, get me when you're done, this is something I have to see.  
  
Fred and George: Will do little bro.  
  
(Exit Fred and George)  
  
(Enter Draco with Ginny following him)  
  
(Ron hides behind a tree)  
  
Draco: I'll kill that Potter boy when I find him! (to Ginny) Stop following me woman. (grumbling) I'm sick of this retarded forest. Why can't you just leave me the heck alone!  
  
Ginny: Well if you weren't so handsome and dashing I wouldn't care for you the way I do and then I wouldn't follow you.  
  
Draco: I've told you a hundred times you silly girl, why can't you get it through your thick skull that I DON'T LOVE YOU!  
  
Ginny: I doesn't matter, I love you anyway.  
  
Draco: You make me sick! I should just leave you here and let the werewolves have you.  
  
Ginny: They'd probably be nicer to me then you are being.  
  
Draco: If you don't leave me alone right now I will.  
  
(Exit Draco)  
  
Ginny: (sighing) I just wasn't made for this. I should be the one being pursued not doing the pursuing. Hey wait up Draco!  
  
(Exit Ginny)  
  
(Ron comes out of hiding)  
  
(Renter Fred and George)  
  
Ron: Hey did you see that? Ginny chasing Draco, how bizarre!  
  
Fred: (with a wicked glint in his eyes) Oh, yes, we did!  
  
Ron: Well, I'll have a talk with her later. Anyway, what have you guys got there  
  
George: A love potion.  
  
Fred: Yea, all we have to do is put a little bit in her eyes and she'll fall in love with the first living thing she sees.  
  
Ron: Great give me some of that and I'll put it in her eyes. You can go now.  
  
Fred and George: (with mock salute) Yes Sir!  
  
(Exit all)  
  
Scene 2  
  
(Enter Hermionie and her servants)  
  
Hermionie: (yawning) This is a good enough place to stop for the night. Make my bed and make sure there are no bug or snakes around.  
  
(Servants to her bidding)  
  
(Hermionie yawns again, lays down on the bed, and falls asleep)  
  
(Servants exit)  
  
(Enter Ron)  
  
Ron: Oh this is going to be rich!   
  
(Takes out a vile of love potion and puts a drop in each eye)  
  
(Exit Ron)  
  
(Enter Harry and Cho)  
  
Cho: We're lost aren't we Harry?  
  
Harry: Of course not, this is a short cut.  
  
Cho: Yea right, why don't you just admit it, we should have asked those centaurs for directions.  
  
Harry: What, I don't need directions, I know exactly where I'm going.  
  
(Cho rolls her eyes)  
  
Cho: Can we at least stop for the night, I'm getting tired.  
  
(Cho lays down and Harry lays next to her, he tries to snuggle)  
  
Cho: Don't get any ideas Harry.  
  
Harry: What?!  
  
(Cho inches away from him a little. Harry frowns, but respects her space. They sleep)  
  
(Enter Fred and George)  
  
Fred: Hey look it's Cho and Harry. Draco and Ginny are probably not far behind. You thinking what I'm thinking?  
  
George: We still have plenty of that love potion left.  
  
Fred: (putting the drops in Harry's eyes) We're so good sometimes it's scary!  
  
(Exit Fred and George)  
  
(Enter Draco and Ginny running)  
  
Ginny: Please stop! I need to catch my breath.   
  
Draco: Stop, by all means, but I'm going to keep going.  
  
Ginny: Don't leave me hear in the dark, I'm scared. (clings to Draco)  
  
Draco: (shoving her off) I'm sick of this I don't care, I'm going without you.  
  
(Exit Draco)  
  
(Ginny sits down on a rock)  
  
Ginny: No matter what I do I can't get him to like me. I hope Cho is happy where ever she is because I'm certainly not! (gets up and continues walking. Nearly trips over Harry) Oh dear! Harry are you all right.  
  
Harry: (waking up) Wow, how beautiful you look Ginny, how radiant! I can't believe I never noticed before how beautiful you are!  
  
Ginny: (crying) Don't make fun of me Harry I'm not in the mood! Draco just abandoned me and I'll never be able to catch up with him. Besides I know you never fancied me when I liked you, so why would you fancy me now. You're in love with Cho, all the guys are!  
  
Harry: Who could love Cho when the rare and radiant Ginny is around. Come my sweet, Draco can have Cho if he wants her so badly. Lets you and I elope. (tries to kiss her)  
  
Ginny: (pushes him away and slaps him squarely on the cheek) GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU HORRID JERK THIS IS NOT FUNNY!  
  
Harry: But my love I'm not joking. (reaches for her again)  
  
Ginny: (shoving him to the ground) Can't you take a hint! This night just gets worse and worse! I am so out of here!  
  
(Exit Ginny)  
  
Harry: Wait my love!  
  
(Exit Harry)  
  
Cho: (waking with a start) Oh what a horrible dream. Harry! Harry! I had the most horrible..... Harry? Harry? Where is that boy? (looks around and gasps) He's gone! Oh I must find him.  
  
(Exit Cho. Hermionie stays asleep)  
  
Please, please review. If you don't I can't put up the next chapter, so please tell me what you think. 


	3. Act III

Act 3 Scene 1  
  
(Enter Percy, Dean, Seamus, Lee, Neville, and Collin)  
  
Percy: Is everyone here?  
  
Dean: What a great place this is to rehearse, not a soul in sight! Does everyone have their scripts.  
  
(Scripts are produced by all)  
  
Dean: good, lets rehearse  
  
(Enter Fred an George)  
  
George: (in a whisper) Hey look there's Percy!  
  
Fred: (also in a whisper) Looking self-important as usual.  
  
George: You know ickle Ronnykin's is sleeping just over there.  
  
Fred: Are you thinking what I'm thinking  
  
Percy: (reciting his lines) Odors savors sweet so hath thy breath, my dearest Thisby dear. But hark a voice stay thou but here a while, and by and by I will to thee appear.  
  
(Exit Percy and George and Fred after him)  
  
Lee: (looking at Dean pleadingly) Do I have to?  
  
Dean: Yes, now get on with it!  
  
Lee: (In a high pitched voice) Most radiant Pyramus, most Lilly-white of hue, of color like the red rose on triumphant brier most briskly juvenile and eke most lovely jew, as true as truest horse that yet would never tire. I'll meet thee at Ninny's tomb  
  
Dean: Get it right that's Ninu's tomb you idiot.  
  
Lee: Well sorry! It's kind of difficult when you don't even understand a word your saying. Couldn't we have picked a modern play?  
  
Dean: I didn't pick the play Percy did. Hey where is Percy?  
  
(Enter Fred, George, and Percy who has the head of a donkey)  
  
Percy: (reciting) If I were fair Thisby I were only thine  
  
All: AHHHHH!!!!!!! MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Neville faints, but is caught under the arms by Seamus and dragged off stage. The others run off as well)  
  
Percy: (With a nervous laugh) Ha, I know what their trying to do their trying to make a fool of me; trying to pull some stupid prank on me. Well I won't fall for it I'm staying right here!   
  
(Hums to himself to show his lack of fear though he glances around him nervously)  
  
Hermionie: (waking up and yelling grumpily) What is all that racket?!!! (spies Percy) Oh an angel, what beautiful music you make!  
  
Percy: (obviously impressed by Hermionie's beauty and not realizing who she is) Well, my lady, I always was very musical  
  
Hermionie You are extremely handsome besides. Stay with me awhile. Fairies!  
  
(enter Lavender, Katie, Pravati, and Angelina as Fairies)  
  
Katie: (wing catches on twig) Stupid, son of a.... Retarted......*@#!^&!$! (Finally manages to free wing, but tears it in the process)  
  
(Lavender scowls at her lack of grace)  
  
Angelina: (with her wings on crooked) I object to this idiocy! (in vain she attempts to straighten them)  
  
Katie: It's not fair, Alicia gets to play an amazon queen and we get suck playing stupid retarded gay fairies!   
  
Pravati (sighing) Honestly I don't know why you were cast as fairies either! You lend absolutely no dignity to the part!  
  
Lavender: (with her nose in the air) I can't believe you two!  
  
(Katie and Angelina stick their tongue out at her)  
  
Lavender: Oh yes, real mature! (turns her back on them and in doing so slips in mud and falls flat on her face)  
  
(Katie and Angelina laugh hysterically. Lavender glowers at them as she rises dripping with mud)  
  
Angelina: Hey Lavender, maybe if your nose wasn't in the air all the time you wouldn't be such a klutz!  
  
Hermionie: Hellooo, your queen summoned you for a reason!  
  
(They all straighten up and try to look dignified, try being the operative word)  
  
Hermionie: I would like you to attend this handsome gentleman.  
  
Angelina: (Aside to Katie) Handsome? Me thinks this latest tiff with King Ron has tipped her off her rocker.  
  
Katie: Yea, well it's best just to humor her.  
  
Hermionie: Lead him to my home and wait on him.  
  
(Exit all)  
  
Scene 2  
  
(Enter Ron)  
  
Ron: (giggling to himself) I wonder if she's woken up yet.  
  
(Enter Fred and George)  
  
Ron: So what have you two been up to?  
  
Fred: (attempting to fake innocence) Oh nothing.  
  
George: We just made you queen Hermionie fall in love with a guy with the head of a donkey.  
  
Ron: (shaking with laughter) Oooo, that's great! I can't wait to see it.  
  
(Enter Draco and Cho. Ron and the twins stand aside)  
  
Cho: Leave me alone you bloody git! What have you done to Harry? He never would have abandoned me so you must have something to do with it!  
  
Draco: I have no idea what you are talking about! Sure I'd like to kill him, but I haven't seen him since I entered this bloody forest.  
  
Cho: Don't lie to me I know you've done something to him. He's probably out there somewhere bleeding to death if not dead already! Oh my darling Harry I must find you!  
  
(Exit Cho)  
  
Draco: (sighs) This whole night has been a bust. I'm sick of running around all over the place. I think I'll rest before I continue this wild goose chase.  
  
(He lies down and falls asleep)  
  
Ron: (noticing the wicked glint in Fred and George's eyes) You guys have been messing with those four haven't you?  
  
Fred: Only a tiny bit.  
  
Ron: What did you DO?!  
  
George: Well we knew you were upset about Ginny chasing after Draco....  
  
Fred: And we figured if Harry showed some interest in her she'd like him and not Draco.  
  
George: So we used to love potion to make him fall in love with her.  
  
Ron: I can't believe you two!! Can't you stay out of mischief for two seconds! This is a disaster! Harry in love with Ginny! My Best friend and my little sister! You idiots, I don't care how you do it, BUT FIX IT NOW!!!!  
  
Fred: (sobbing dramatically into a handkerchief) We're hurt little bro.  
  
George: (tears rolling down his cheek) Yea, we try to help and all you do is yell at us.  
  
Fred: (blows his nose and continues to sob) We try so hard.  
  
George: (excepting a second hanky from Fred and using it to dab away tears) There's just no pleasing you.  
  
Ron: (unmoved by the twin's theatrical display) Oh shut it you two and GET TO WORK!!!!  
  
(Exit Ron)  
  
Fred: (putting drops in Draco's eyes and chuckling) He said he didn't care how we fixed it.  
  
George: We are on a roll tonight.  
  
(Enter Harry and Ginny. Fred and George stand aside)  
  
Harry: My love how could you ever think I would be cruel to you?  
  
(Fred passes some popcorn to George)  
  
Ginny: Stop it Harry! This joke has gone on too long, your worse then Fred and George! I hate you and I'll never speak to you again if you don't stop it right this instant.  
  
Harry: My love is no joke, my dear I can't stop loving you! I don't know what I was thinking when I said I loved Cho, it's you I truly care for!  
  
(Draco wakes up)  
  
Draco: Oh Ginny my Goddess! You are the most beautiful woman in all the world. There are none that can compare with you. I love you!! (grabs her hand and kisses it and then proceeds to kiss all the way up her arm)  
  
(Fred and George laugh hysterically)  
  
Ginny: (yanks her hand away a wails) YOU BOTH HATE ME I KNOW IT!!!  
  
Harry: Stop it Draco. It's not nice to tease Ginny when you hate her and are in love with Cho. Oh and by the way you can have her. I've discovered my undying love for the sweet and gentle Ginny. (tires to wrap his arms around her. She struggles and tries to pry him off her)  
  
Draco: (grabbing hold of Ginny and trying to pull her away form Harry) Get your hands off my love. You can keep Cho! I don't want her anymore. The wonderful Goddess Ginny is the one for me!  
  
(Enter Cho)  
  
Cho: Harry what's going on?  
  
(Harry is wrapped in a tug of war for Ginny and ignores her)  
  
Cho: HARRY WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD ARE YOU DOING!!!! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?!!!!!!!!  
  
Harry: I woke from the spell you placed on me and realized that Ginny is my one true love, now stop distracting me. (continues tug of war)  
  
Cho: What on earth are you thinking Harry? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN LOVE WITH ME YOU WORTHLESS GIT!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ginny: Great your in on it too are you Cho? The whole world, it seems is, mocking me!  
  
Cho: I have no idea what you talking about, is this some sort of sick joke?  
  
Ginny: So it would seem. You put them up to this didn't you?!  
  
Cho: What on earth are you thinking, COULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON!!!  
  
Ginny: I can't take this any more (tries to break away from Harry and Draco.  
  
Harry: Don't go my sweet. I love you!  
  
Draco: Let go of her you dolt I love her more!  
  
Harry: Yea, well why don't you prove it you cowardly wuss!  
  
Cho: No you can't Harry, you love me (wraps her arms around him to restrain him)  
  
Harry: (struggling to get free) Let go of me you insane woman, how many times I have to tell you that I don't like you any more. I love Ginny.  
  
Cho: (letting go of Harry and turning to Ginny) You!!! This is all your fault, you seduced him!!!!!!! You're jealous because both Draco and Harry loved me, but did you stop with just fooling Draco into falling in love with you? NO, you had to steal Harry too.  
  
Ginny: You are the one who's jealous! I did nothing to encourage this and now that both your little beaus have discovered you're not all you're cracked up to be you blame it all on me!  
  
Cho: You little Slut! (launches herself at Ginny)  
  
Fred: (whispering to George) Hey look a cat fight!  
  
George claps his hands with glee and offers Fred the popcorn)  
  
(Ginny and Cho yank hair, claw at one another, push, kick, and bite)  
  
(Finally after a good few minutes Harry and Draco manage to pry them apart)  
  
Cho: Let me at her, I'll tear your hair out you boyfriend thief!!!  
  
(Ginny, who believes that discretion is the better part of valor, and who has also been loosing, decides to run for it. Draco manages to hold of Cho long enough for her to get a good head start.)  
  
Harry: Enough of this! Lets finish this. Follow if your not too chicken. (Draws wand and exits running)  
  
(Draco runs after him)  
  
Cho: I'll get that little twerp!  
  
(Exit Cho)  
  
Fred: That was so funny I laughed until it hurt.  
  
George: I think we've out done ourselves.  
  
Fred: For sure.  
  
George: So Should we wrap this up?  
  
Fred: I hate to end the fun, but it's almost morning, and I don't know about you, but I'm tired.  
  
George: I hear you! I don't think we've ever had such a night of solid pranking.  
  
(Enter Harry)  
  
Harry: What's the matter Draco too afraid I beat the crap out of you like I do in dueling club? Show yourself you coward.  
  
Fred: (sounding like Draco) I'm ready and waiting you slow poke. I'm over here. Come challenge me if you dare!  
  
Harry: Ha! You'll wish you were dead by the time I get through with you!  
  
Exit Harry following Fred's voice)  
  
Enter Draco)  
  
Draco: Where are you, you coward? Run away have you? Scared Potter?  
  
George: (sounding like Harry) I'm over here you dolt! Catch me if you can you weakling!  
  
(Exit Draco following George's voice)  
  
(Enter Harry)  
  
Harry: That bloody coward won't stay still long enough to face me. I've had enough of him, I'll catch up with him tomorrow and give him what he deserves. (lies down and falls asleep)  
  
(Enter Draco)  
  
Draco: Where are you Potter? Why don't you face me like a man? (Sits down to catch his breath) I think I'll rest here for the night and get that coward in the morning. (lies down and falls asleep.)  
  
(Enter Ginny)  
  
Ginny: (looking around her) Good, I think I've lost her! Good thing too, 'cuse I can't run anymore. I think I'll take a little nap. (lies down and falls asleep)  
  
(Enter Cho)  
  
Cho: That little runt is faster then I thought. I'll just rest up and catch her in the morning. I'll rip that little redheaded vixen limb from limb. (yawns and lies down to sleep)  
  
(Fred and George step out of their hiding place)  
  
Fred: You have the vile of anti-love potion.  
  
(George produces vile and hands it to Fred. Fred puts drops in Harry's eyes)  
  
George: Should we do Draco's as well?  
  
(They look at each other an smile wickedly)  
  
Fred and George: Naaa.  
  
(Exit Fred and George) 


	4. Act IV

Act 4 Scene 1  
  
(Enter Hermionie, Percy, Katie, Angelina, Lavender, Pravati and Ron sneaking behind them)  
  
Hermionie: (to Percy) Come lie down my dear. ( they lie down and she plays with his ears) you ears are marvelous and soft. (She kisses them.)  
  
Percy: (giggling) That tickles! (She begins to scratch his head between his ears) Oooo, that feels good! (calling to the fairies) Hey you there!  
  
Katie: (trying very hard not to laugh) Yes, Sir?  
  
Percy: I have a strange craving for hay and alfalfa, fetch me some will you?  
  
Katie: (almost loosing it) Yes, Sir.  
  
Percy: Oh, yes and some oats too.  
  
Katie: (smirking) Of course.  
  
(Exit Katie)  
  
Hermionie Would you like to hear some music my sweet?  
  
Percy: Why not.  
  
(Hermionie motions for the other Fairies to play. Katie enters with food and Percy eats. Ron watches and laughs)  
  
Percy: (Yawning) I think I'd like to sleep now.  
  
Hermionie Why certainly dear. Fairies leave us!  
  
(Exit Katie, Angelina, Lavender and Pravati)  
  
Hermionie: Good night my darling. (kisses him and they fall asleep)  
  
(Enter Fred an George)  
  
Ron: This is one of your best pranks yet!  
  
Fred: We know, we know.  
  
George: We used a polyjuice potion on him with some donkey hair....  
  
Ron: So where did you find such a ridiculous joker?  
  
George: Oh we just came across some peasants in the wood and Percy was there...  
  
Ron: WHAT?! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT'S PERCY?!!!!!!!!  
  
George: Yep.  
  
Ron: You complete and utter gits! What ever possessed you to pull such an awful prank?!!!!!  
  
Fred: I thought you liked it.  
  
Ron: Yea, that was before you I found out that it was Percy that Hermionie, MY HERMIONIE, was stroking!!  
  
George: Well, that's just the last straw!  
  
Fred: Yea, just see if we ever do anything for you again, not if your going to be so ungrateful!!  
  
Ron: If this is how you help then GOOD!!! I hope you never do anything for me ever again!!!  
  
(Ron snatches the vile of anti-love potion from them and put drops in Hermionie's eyes)  
  
Ron: by the way did you take care of that mess earlier?  
  
George: (winking to Fred) Take care of it? Oh we took care of it.  
  
Ron: Well haul Percy off and dump him somewhere.  
  
(Exit Fred and George dragging Percy)  
  
Ron: Wake up my dear. (shakes Hermionie gently)  
  
Hermionie: Oh is that you my ickle Ronnykins? (Ron blushes at the pet name) I had the oddest dream. I dreamt I was in love with a donkey.  
  
Ron: Just a dream my dear. Oh and by the way I have a pretty good idea who was responsible for the fish guts.  
  
Hermionie: Let me guess, Fred and George.  
  
Ron: Yep.  
  
Hermionie: I'm sorry I didn't realize it before, I never should have blamed you.  
  
Ron: And I shouldn't have said all the stuff that I did.  
  
Hermionie: I love you!  
  
Ron: I love you too!  
  
(They kiss)  
  
Ron: (helping her up) Come on , lets get out of here and I'll make it up to you.  
  
Hermionie: Oh, I love it when you make up with me!  
  
(Exit Ron and Hermionie)  
  
(Enter Oliver, Alicia, and Mr. Chang)  
  
Oliver: (seeing the two couples sleeping) Well looks like we have our happy ending! So how did you all end up here?  
  
Draco: Well that's a funny story......  
  
(They proceed to explain as best they can the events of the night)  
  
Cho: So your not going to make me marry Draco any more are you dad? I mean he doesn't even want to marry me.  
  
Mr. Chang: Of course not, I wouldn't have even dreamed of it in the first place except I was under an Imperious curse, which I got free of.  
  
Oliver: Well then why don't we forget this ever happened and get these crazy love birds married.  
  
Mr. Chang: Sounds good to me.  
  
(The couples nod in agreement)  
  
(Exit Oliver, Alicia and Mr. Chang)  
  
Harry: I think I speak for everyone when I say that was just about the weirdest thing ever.  
  
Ginny: Yea that was freaky, lets just forget about it.  
  
Cho: It all seems like a dream to me.  
  
Draco: Well lets not just stand here, lets get back to the city.  
  
Harry: best idea I've heard in a while, lets go.  
  
Exit all)  
  
Scene 2  
  
(Enter Dean, Seamus, Lee, and Collin  
  
Dean: Hey have any of you guys seen Percy?  
  
Seamus: I've looked everywhere and I can't find him.  
  
Lee: We'll never be able to do the play without him!  
  
Collin: We don't have anyone else to play Pyramus!  
  
(enter Neville)  
  
Neville: You guys the duke is coming, if Percy's not here soon we are in deep trouble.  
  
Dean: Percy, you useless git, where are you?  
  
(Enter Percy)  
  
Percy: Did I hear someone say my name?  
  
Dean: Percy thank goodness you here! If you weren't a man I'd kiss you!  
  
Lee: Okay that creates mental picture that can only be described as sick and wrong!  
  
Dean: No time for that, we have to get ready!  
  
(exit all) 


	5. Act V

Act 5 scene 1  
  
(Enter Oliver, Alicia, Harry, Cho, Draco, and Ginny)  
  
Oliver: Now that we've had our happy ending and we're all married, lets have some entertainment. Bring on the play.  
  
Alicia: Please lets!  
  
(Enter Dean, Percy, Neville, Collin, Lee, and Seamus)  
  
Dean: We are proud to present the tale of Pyramus and Thisby. The scene opens as our two lovers meet at a wall so they can communicate through a whole in it.  
  
(Percy approaches the Seamus dressed as a wall)  
  
Percy: Oh cruel wall that separates my love's father's house from mine! Oh look a hole, and through it I spy my love Thisby!  
  
Lee approaches the wall)  
  
Lee: (in a very high pitched voice) Oh Pyramus my love is that you?  
  
Percy: It is me my sweet!  
  
(Draco begins to make gagging motions and is joined by Harry. The girls seem to be enjoying the sappy romance)  
  
Pecry: Meet me at Ninny's Tomb!  
  
Lee: I'll come right away!  
  
(Exit Lee, Percy, and Seamus)  
  
Oliver: This is the most horrible piece of rubbish I've ever seen!  
  
Alicia: Actually I kind of like it. It's so romantic.  
  
(Oliver rolls his eyes)  
  
Ginny: You must admit it is rather amusing, thought probably not the way they meant it to be.  
  
(Enter Neville as lion and Collin as Moonshine)  
  
Neville: All you ladies in the audience need no fear me. I'm not a real lion.  
  
(Enter Lee)  
  
Lee: This is the right place, but where is my dearest Pyramus?  
  
Neville: Roar!  
  
Lee: (screaming like a girl) Ahhhhhh!!!  
  
(Lee runs off letting the veil he is wearing drop. Neville picks it up in his mouth shakes it and exits)  
  
(Enter Percy)  
  
Percy: (picking up veil) Oh no my dearest sweet she is dead. Her veil ripped, torn and stained with blood. It can not be. Oh my darling how can I ever live without you!  
  
Harry: Please I'll do anything just make it stop!  
  
Draws a knife poses dramatically and pretends to stab himself.)   
  
Percy: (staggering) Ach, ach, I'm dying ach ach ach ach ACH! (Flops to the ground and lies there tongue lolling out.)  
  
Draco:( head in his hands) For mercy's sake someone shoot me now!  
  
Enter Lee)  
  
Lee: (Seeing Percy "dead") Oh no my dear sweet Pyramus are you asleep. ( kneels besides Percy and lets out a girlie shriek) Oh you are dead!!! (draws a dagger) Good-by cold cruel world. (pretends to stab himself) Ach ach uhhhh.  
  
Harry: For the love all that is good please say it's over!  
  
( Enter Dean, Lee, Seamus, Percy, Neville, Collin they take a bow and exit)  
  
Alicia: So honey pumpkin what did you think of it?  
  
Oliver: Five minutes of my life I'll never get back.  
  
Alicia: Oh come on it wasn't that bad.  
  
Oliver: Yes, it was.  
  
(Exit all)  
  
Epilogue: All the couples in this story lived happily ever after, except maybe Ron and Hermionie, who still fought on occasion. Ron, however, learned never again to involve his brothers in such disputes. Draco gave up being a deatheater for his love of Ginny . 


End file.
